Sunday, 6 December 2009

My Shell Of Normal

Well I have't spoken in a while. No, I didn't take a vow of silence, surprisingly, I've had very little to write about. In fact I find it hard to imagine how I came up with the last 50 posts.
I've noticed recently that I've been out of the loop on several occasions. Sometimes because people presume I know everything thats happening. I will point out that calling me on the night of the event to ask if I'm coming is probably a bit late. Generally I'll know somethings happening, but I refuse to go until someone mentions it to me personally.
When I was younger I wasn't in with a crowd. I knew everyone and talked to no one. It made things easier. But getting used to being in a group these days is still something I struggle with. Even though I'm surrounded by people, I still feel alone. There is not a single human being in existence that I feel completely comfortable with, who really knows who I am. I have to pretend to be interested in things I couldn't care less about, but that the whole worlds talking about.
What hurts the most though is knowing that every single time I've tried being myself around people, it's been thrown back in my face. Whether it be a simple, "Why would you think that?" to an "Oh my god this is so rubbish, why would you like it". So I hide in myself, and put up a shell that others perceive to be normal, and hope that soon I'll be able to be myself for good.


  1. wow my blogger keeps f***ing up and it got confused because the name of your blog changed and then it didnt realise you posted! AHHHH

    why care what people think?

  2. because if i dont then i get left out in the cold generally lol.